A Year In Review

2010 was a year of extreme growth but with growth comes the trials that cause the growth. Part of me hates the pains of this year but at the same time I love the view from this year’s finish line.

I started the year out with heartache that led to further heartache and at the same time dealt with medical complications that was beyond what I would have ever imagined. I said many goodbyes this year. I saw the bottom.

Yet in the midst of the bottom I discovered the love of God. In my pain I felt my Heavenly Father hold me. I felt his forgiveness, his strength, his peace and his hand on my life in ways that I have never been so aware of.

And in his goodness I’m already seeing how he is using the mistakes of my past for his Glory. For the first time I’m seeing other people and their pain instead of focusing on my own.

I ran my 2^nd Half-marathon this fall. It was an amazing and painful experience as I journey literally from my new house and the new stage it represents back to my old. God spoke to me through the pain of every step. Through the highs and lows, and the overwhelming view of all the people cheering me to finish the race and fight the good fight. I was surprised at the strength I felt as I finished.

I am a blessed woman that through this whole time have had people praying for me, friends and family standing beside me, and cheering me on to live the life that I was called to live. To not settle for anything less than Gods best.

The best is that there are a lot of chapters still to be written and Gods strength to bring me to even deeper relationship with him.

For the first time in awhile I’m truly excited to see what 2011 holds.

Waiting

Its something that nothing of us like to do. In fact…I detest it.

In our society waiting is just not acceptable. We scream while we are in traffic, we freak out if there are two people ahead of us in line at the store. We are the microwave generation.

Lets face it ….Waiting is hard.

I was sharing my heart with one of my dear friends at a party and she encouraged me that God is planning something big for me with this time of waiting. As I heard her speak I was reminded of my Grandfather and his last conversation with me, imploring me to wait for the best and not to settle. (Which is huge because he wasn’t known for his sentimental conversations.)

As I was driving home one the radio I heard a voice speaking directly to me.

“Jesus understands you waiting woes. He understands how hard it is to want something so bad but it just not the time for it. Jesus came as a baby. He had all the shepards the first night and the wise man a few years later but what about the 30 years of waiting. He knew what was his destiny from the beginning and yet he had to go through the phases of life. He understands the pain and hardships of waiting. But look at what resulted from the waiting. During this holiday season remember hold out for God’s best. Don’t settle. “

Yeah…

I was speechless too. All I can say is he knows your pain and what you are going through, Whatever you are waiting for, he knows the pain of having all these dreams and desires and not being able to do anything about it…right now. Those dreams are for a reason. Everything Jesus learned in those 32 years no matter how small and insignifant they may had seemed at the time he used for the future. This time is important, use this time to develop your talent, or yourself…don’t waste it wishing that the time was up.

He's Just Not That Into You

So I have to admit...I love the movie and the book He's Just Not That Into You.  Growing up without brothers or really any boys around it was quite a life changing movie.

The movie starts out with showing a little girl who was told by her mom that the reason the boy called her a poopy face is because he likes her. So the cycle begins of girls believing the reason a boy is treating her badly is because he likes her. And as women we like to encourage this madness. We tell each other that its ok that he's not calling you, seeing you, pursuing you because they know someone who knows someone who didn't get called, didn't get pursed right away...and it worked out and they are happy. Yet we don't want to even the whisper the reality that maybe just maybe he's just not that into you.

Why are we so busy running after people who aren't running after us. Why are we so busy thinking that eventually things will change and they will be right by our side. If we only try harder, look hotter, speak cooler that he'll change his mind.

Yet somehow time after time we find ourself standing alone with a broken dream. A dream that only we fed into. A dream that we tried to push into a reality no matter who we hurt along the way, even if its yourself.

I love the ending quote in the movie, "Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. "

Your guy is out there. He'll be running after you and pursuing you . You won't have to make anything happen it'll just be. Just don't give up hope.

Men of Integrity

So in the last year I have witnessed horrible escapades by men.

I have seen men lie and tell themself its ok no matter who it hurts.

I have seen men cheat and try and say it was justified.

The sad thing is many of these men at the same time are professing the name of Christ.

Why the double standard? Why the sham?

I believe in men of integrity because I have met them. I have seen them see the hearts of women as a treasure to fight for.  Instead of something to manipulate to get someone to do what you want.
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I ask for more to rise up. Stop the lies, stop the hypocrisy, stop it. Please guard our hearts, please treat our hearts delicately. Please confront those men. Please protect us.

I Still Believe in Fairy Tales

So I know its silly. People my age are supposed to be cynical and very realistic about life and love.

People my age are suppose to put themselves out there and fish for men.

We live in an age of liberation and I can find a man and pursue him and ask him out.

Yet....

I still believe in fairy tales. You know how the handsome prince meets the fair young maiden and then he spends the rest of the story actively pursing her. She is all he sees. Sure he has some dragons to fight. Sure their might be some journeys to go on. Heck maybe he'll be close to losing it all...but its all worth it for the sweet hand of the fair maiden.

I know its a story but I still believe their are men out there (or at least just one for me) that see the treasure of a lady's heart. That see that the power they have to change this world is only enhanced by being together.

So maybe I am not a typical lady, but I believe that my prince will find me as I am living my life. (Just like the princesses were just living there life when their princes came). I don't want to stay in one place waiting when I can be out there changing. So I continue my journey with a quiet song knowing someday my prince will come. (So sue me if its a bit cheesy)

Ok...I'm not that Average

First I'd like to say picking out a name for a blog is very stressful. You have to figure out a title that expresses my past, present and future as well as my hopes and dreams into a nice little catch phrase.

So I was one of 8 Jennifers in my Middle School Growing up. (If you are a Jenny and a product of the 80s you too feel my pain). I was only in a graduating class of like 250 something so those Jenny's followed me where ever I go. In class the first day they would always go down the attendence sheet and ask what you would like to be called. Having the last name of "Schmid" you really didn't get to choose. So I was Jennifer, Jen, Jenny-with-a-y, Jenny, Schmid, girl in the back...you get the picture.

Somehow you just started feeling...present but thats it.

If you google me today even with my full name Jennifer Marie Schmid it is outstanding the amount of results that come up. (I think I am the best looking Jennifer Marie Schmid by far...sadly the name is not known for its great selection of hotties)

I somehow along the years defined myself as average. Maybe you'll remember me, maybe not. Not a horrible person but not a great person. Not hideous looking but not a model.......Average

It was recently that God started speaking to me about how he sees me. I've always assumed that he would choose this person or that person but why would he choose me? I'm  not greatess at speaking and I cry at kids movies...how could I ever be anything substantial and worthwhile

I'm sure the "average" shepard boy named didn't think that he would become a king, or an "average" Jew named Esther never imagined that the fate of her people would be on her shoulders. Moses felt too average to speak and yet God used him not only to speak but to free his people.....

God uses people who feel average all the time.

See I may be a Jennifer Marie Schmid (1 of 870,000) but God saw me as the one. His daughter. His love. His.

So...I'm an "average" Jen just like David, Esther,Moses...and I'm ok being in with that crowd.